Athlete Seeks Trade For More Inclusive Work Environment
Anaheim, CA — Veteran shooting guard Kyle Brennerman is officially requesting a trade from the LA Clippers, citing a "toxic culture of hyper-competence, performance-based evaluations, and constant yelling about defense" in what he had hoped would be a “more supportive, feelings-forward workplace.”
Brennerman, 28, who averages a career 3.2 points per game and lists “good vibes” and “listening” as his top strengths, made the announcement via a Notes app screenshot on Instagram, accompanied by a black-and-white photo of him staring pensively out a window with the caption: “Basketball is about more than basketball.”
In his statement, Brennerman cited a number of “exclusionary behaviors” he has experienced on the team, including:
Being asked to "hustle back on defense" even though “sprinting makes [him] feel judged”
Having plays drawn up without his input, despite his “innovative ideas involving mindfulness circles during timeouts”
Being left out of team dinners, allegedly because of his repeated insistence that the group “try this vegan empanada pop-up on the other side of town”
“Look, we appreciate Kyle,” said Clippers head coach Marcus Dupree, while visibly suppressing a headache. “He’s always the first one to volunteer for media day and the last one to leave yoga. But he asked if we could replace suicides with 'empathy drills' and said defensive rotations were ‘hierarchical.’ We just… we need rebounds.”
Teammates, while supportive of Brennerman’s self-expression, admit the disconnect has grown in recent seasons. “He once told me he didn’t believe in ‘competitive energy,’” said team captain Rico Mendez. “Then he brought essential oils to a playoff game. Look, I’m all for wellness, but not during a full-court press.”
Brennerman’s agent, Kale Winston-Frost, issued a follow-up press release stating that his client is seeking “a team culture where the emotional labor is shared, water is coconut-based, and points are not the only metric of value.” He reportedly has his sights set on markets with “elevated team consciousness,” such as Portland, San Francisco, or any intramural league sponsored by REI.
While no NBA teams have expressed immediate interest, several corporate wellness brands have reached out with potential ambassador roles, and one co-op in Oregon has offered him a player-coach position in their barefoot league.
Still, Brennerman remains hopeful. “I believe in a future where athletes are valued not just for what they do,” he told a small group of reporters at a self-hosted press retreat, “but for how they feel while doing it.”