Father's Day: Gen Alpha Kids Tell Dads They’re Skibid Rizzler, Total W, No Cap

Father's Day: Gen Alpha Kids Tell Dads They’re Skibid Rizzler, Total W, No Cap

Cincinnati, OH — In a heartwarming yet linguistically disorienting celebration of paternal love, Gen Alpha children across the country are honoring their fathers this Father’s Day with cards, hugs, and a confusing avalanche of slang that makes no grammatical sense to anyone born before 2010.

“Dear Dad,” read one hand-drawn card received Sunday morning by 38-year-old software engineer Todd Wilkins, “You are the skibid rizzler of my life. Your vibes are immaculate. Total W. No cap. Happy Fadders Day, ong ong.”

Wilkins, visibly touched but also deeply concerned he may be in a cult, smiled through the confusion. “I think it’s a compliment?” he said, holding up the card like it might start speaking English if he stared long enough. “I caught a ‘W’ in there. That sounds good. Right?”

Linguists are still deciphering exactly what terms like skibid, rizzler, and no cap mean in this context, but early translations suggest that Gen Alpha children are attempting to express appreciation, awe, and possibly a vague reference to Ohio for some reason.

“It’s like reading hieroglyphics,” said Dr. Ellen Marchetti, a professor of youth linguistics. “The phrase ‘Father, you’re lowkey sigma-tier with W rizz’ translates loosely to ‘I love you and admire your masculine stability.’ Or maybe it means he lets them eat ice cream for dinner. The science is evolving.”

Across America, dads found themselves nodding and smiling as children performed Fortnite dances, blasted meme mashups from Bluetooth speakers, and referred to their fathers as “the real NPC to my main character.”

“I don’t know what any of this means,” said Baltimore father of two, Greg Callahan, after being told by his 7-year-old daughter that he had “sigma grindset energy and gives non-cringe advice.” He added, “But she hugged me and gave me a drawing of us riding dinosaurs with sunglasses, so I’m just gonna call it a win.”

Meanwhile, Gen Alpha kids defended their approach. “Bro, dads are W,” said 9-year-old TikTok creator Braylen “Lil Rizzlord” Thompson. “Mine takes me to Target and doesn’t even ratio me when I talk about Skibidi toilets. He’s a giga-chad, fr fr.”

Big brands have already begun capitalizing on the trend. Hallmark has announced a new Father’s Day card collection with phrases like:

  • “You’re Him. No Cap.”

  • “Father = Rizz God (Certified)”

  • “Grillmaster With That Emotional Support Energy, Ong” At press time, dads across the nation were pretending not to Google what “skibid rizzler” means while grilling burgers, sipping warm IPAs, and thinking, You know what? I’ll take it.