Lifelong Procrastinator Dies At Age 103
Topeka, KS — After a legendary 103-year streak of postponements, deferrals, and “getting to it tomorrow,” local man Harold Finster finally passed away Monday morning, reportedly moments before he had planned to “finally start organizing the garage.”
Finster, who had spent over a century rescheduling dentist appointments, delaying thank-you notes, and nearly beginning several memoirs, is remembered by friends and family as a man of big intentions and even bigger to-do lists — none of which were ever completed.
“He always said he was going to learn Italian,” said his daughter, Karen Finster. “He bought the language tapes in 1978. They’re still in the shrink wrap. He kept saying, ‘Once football season’s over, I’m on it.’ Football season never ended for him. He discovered Canadian leagues.”
Born in 1921, Finster put off most major life milestones, including getting married (age 52), fixing the leaking faucet in the kitchen (age 71, never completed), and writing his own obituary (drafted at age 94, accidentally deleted at 95, “meant to redo it” ever since).
Neighbors say he was a gentle soul, often seen gazing blankly at the lawn mower or sitting on the porch muttering, “Right after lunch.”
“He was the only person I knew who could turn taking out the trash into a three-week saga,” said longtime neighbor Bert Wallis. “He’d walk halfway to the curb, stop to tie his shoe, and then get distracted by a cloud. I once watched him get sidetracked by the idea of soup.”
Despite offers of assistance and decades of available time, Finster never quite got around to:
Writing his will
Recycling the 300 empty yogurt containers in the basement
Calling his cousin Gary back (since 1989)
Reading a book “all the way through”
Doctors confirm that Finster passed peacefully in his sleep, surrounded by a pile of unread mail, unwritten Christmas cards (dating back to 1973), and a freshly printed list titled “Stuff To Do Before I Die.” Item #1 was “Make list.”
In a final act of poetic procrastination, Finster’s last words are reported to be: “I’ll be right…” — though the sentence trailed off and was never completed.
A memorial service is scheduled for Saturday, although family warns it may be pushed to Monday “depending on who’s free and if anyone remembers to bring the folding chairs.”
Finster is survived by three children, seven grandchildren, and approximately 900 unresolved Post-it notes, each reading some version of “Soon.”