Optimist Sees Moon As Half Full

Boise, ID — While most people looked skyward Thursday evening and noted a waning gibbous with all the enthusiasm of a sloth, 32-year-old self-proclaimed "space enthusiast-slash-mood realist" Andrew Fennerman stared at the night sky and proudly declared, “Look at that beauty. Half full, just like my Brita pitcher and emotional state.”

Fennerman, who wore a homemade NASA hoodie despite having no formal connection to space travel beyond “watching The Martian six times,” spotted the celestial body while adjusting his telescope-slash-coffee-table-conversation-piece in the backyard of his duplex.

“It’s just incredible,” Fennerman told reporters, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose with a single index finger. “Most people see a half-empty moon and think, ‘meh, another reminder of the slow erosion of time.’ But not me. I see a resilient, glowing orb that’s giving us everything it’s got. And that’s 50%, baby! That’s passing in most school districts. I think.”

Neighbors say this isn’t the first time Fennerman has offered unsolicited optimism from his lawn. Last month, he interrupted a book club’s discussion on The Road by yelling, “Post-apocalyptic doesn't mean post-hope!” from behind a shrub.

“I mean, sure, technically the moon was halfway lit,” said neighbor Clarissa Newell, sipping wine from a plastic goblet. “But then he launched into this five-minute monologue about lunar metaphors and how 'craters are just proof the moon survived hard things.’ It got weird fast.”

Friends describe Fennerman as a “kind of sweet guy who claps when airplanes land” and “once cried at a TED Talk about kelp.”

“He just has a way of reframing things,” said his roommate Jared, who asked to be identified only by his first name and also mentioned, “Andrew is the reason our microwave has a Post-it that says ‘Your food is trying its best.’”

Fennerman later clarified his lunar observation with a tweet: “Moon: 50% visible. Mood: 100% uplifted. Optimism is just astronomy with feelings. 🌕💫 #HalfFullMoon #KeepOrbiting”

The tweet received three likes—one from his mom, one from his own burner account, and one from a bot that promotes inspirational goat yoga retreats.